I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
