I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
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