omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
