chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
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I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
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you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
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