One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
