I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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