you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
