Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
