I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Randomize
