Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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