We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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