I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
