i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
