this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
