I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
