yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
