last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
