ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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