Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
