I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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