remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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