i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
