my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
