Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Randomize
