1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize