my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize
