omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
