I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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