the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
