Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
