Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
