he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
