I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
