yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
smell my finger.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
