Texts From Last Night

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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.

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  (267): Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go. http://tfl.nu/5urf
  Replies (26) Good night (1640) Bad night (3838)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever

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  (503): There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever http://tfl.nu/502h
  Replies (3) Good night (3603) Bad night (1595)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable

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  (608): dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable http://tfl.nu/uv0g
  Replies (8) Good night (2853) Bad night (1086)
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  (310): View more from California

  Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"

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  (310): Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god" http://tfl.nu/2xo4
  Replies (10) Good night (4347) Bad night (829)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...

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  (803): There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together... http://tfl.nu/sic1
  Replies (13) Good night (5013) Bad night (1029)
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  (585): View more from New York

  they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too

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  (585): they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too http://tfl.nu/0m73
  Replies (6) Good night (3350) Bad night (779)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.

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  (410): It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience. http://tfl.nu/n6q9
  Replies (6) Good night (781) Bad night (1517)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.

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  (918): I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics. http://tfl.nu/dut8
  Replies (15) Good night (1309) Bad night (2747)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.

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  (303): Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit. http://tfl.nu/weri
  Replies (1) Good night (473) Bad night (1394)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.

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  (541): And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background. http://tfl.nu/q3vc
  Replies (6) Good night (1614) Bad night (664)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have

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  (207): Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have http://tfl.nu/07nn
  Replies (1) Good night (826) Bad night (348)
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..

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  (216): Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started.. http://tfl.nu/1p0k
  Replies (9) Good night (1285) Bad night (466)
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile

  (1-570): View more from Pennsylvania

  FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile

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  (570): Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile (1-570): FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile http://tfl.nu/2z1a
  Replies (0) Good night (937) Bad night (246)
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  (713): View more from Texas

  Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.

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  (713): Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar. http://tfl.nu/aeu2
  Replies (6) Good night (489) Bad night (296)
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  (518): View more from New York

  Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious

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  (518): Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious http://tfl.nu/hriw
  Replies (1) Good night (485) Bad night (262)

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