Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
