No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube