She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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