OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
