i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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