Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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