IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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