I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
