she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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