I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize