you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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