it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize