um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
We are all done wearing pants today
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
