I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
God, I missed his penis.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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