Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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