My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
