dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
