they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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