M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
