Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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