I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
