I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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