i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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