I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
