I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Randomize
