Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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