Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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