I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
