marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
