I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
