and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
